When in doubt, zip the lip....and other updates!

It’s been a long time! An update is long past due…so here it is!

I actually started to write a blog back in August of 2024, but life got away from me and I didn’t post it. Who knew 2 two year olds would leave me with such little time to do anything haha.

I’ve decided to post that blog first here, THEN I will write about how I am doing today below it.

- WARNINGS -

Before I get into the nitty gritty I want to take a moment to write a quick warning. I will be discussing weight loss, hunger cues, weight loss medication, numbers and other things that have to do with weight loss. If this can be triggering to you and not helpful to your recovery I strongly suggest passing on this one and taking care of YOU instead!

Here is the blog I started in August 2024

Hi Everyone! I figured it was about time I did an update on how things are going with my medication and what it’s been like. I also want to thank you all for such kind comments and encouraging emails and messages. I was actually pretty nervous about putting this decision out into the world, but I had long ago decided I would be transparent and open about my full recovery for others who are going through it. I was expecting a lot of back lash about going on a weigh loss medication, but instead I gained nothing but support and interest. I guess I view myself as a guinea pig to see if this helps when the metabolism goes wild after severe anorexia, exercise bulimia and a hard recovery.

Alright….so lets start with some facts and then I’ll get into what it’s like and how I’m doing. I have been on Wegovy for four months now. I am into my fifth month. (I started it the last week of March or first week of April…I can’t remember). I currently am taking the 1mg shot once a week. That means I started at .25, moved to the .5 and now am on 1mg. The plan is for me to just stay at 1mg since I’m doing so well and don’t need more. EXCEPT, the 1mg is now unavailable so I’m doing 1.7mg starting this week until the 1mg becomes available again. Ok. Those are the facts!

I’m going to answer a few questions I keep getting about it, then I’ll add whatever else I feel like needs to be shared!

1. Have I lost any weight? Yes. In the first month alone I dropped 20 pounds. The last time I weighed myself I was down 30/35 pounds. The last time I weighed myself was over a month ago so I’m not sure where I am at now. I won’t know until the end of this month.

2. Do I weight myself a lot? No. Almost never. Since starting the medication I have only weighed myself three times. I do it as rarely as possible and only as one of the markers of where I am at.  Weighing myself is still a huge trigger for me. I absolutely hate it and only do it before doctor's appointments so we have that data to put towards the whole picture. Every time I have to weigh myself I get anxiety and have to hype myself up to do it. I have to use a ton of coping skills before, during and after to get through it. Good news is it’s just a blip and although I have anxiety around it, after three days I stop thinking about it.

3. What are the side effects of the medication? Honestly, they SUCK. This medication in my opinion is no easy go. I get headaches, nausea, constipation, then diarrhea, some foods will trigger headaches and more nausea than others. There is definitely a huge loss of appetite. Sulfer burps that make me have to take pepto bismol each week. Fatigue. It is not a fun medication to take. I feel horrible about two days a week and then am fine the other four or five depending on life. If you are a person that is considering it for those last ten pounds you don’t like, then have fun not being able to poop and then suddenly peeing out the butt and possibly  feeling sick for two days. I don’t think this medication is for the faint of heart. I know many others on it and to be honest, my symptoms have been light compared to those with diabetes and other issues.

4. Is it hard to eat while on the medication and do you eat way less? Yes and no. The days that I feel nauseous, it is really hard to eat. I DO feel hunger but it’s rare. I  could skip meals and not even think about it. I however do not do this. One of the bigs things in my case was to eat through it anyway so I don’t lose my recovered metabolism and my body loses what it can while maintaining a healthy diet. I know people that will take two bites of something and be done for the day because they just can’t eat on this medication, or they are drinking pediasure instead of meals. I force myself to eat my meals and snacks throughout the day whether I feel like it or not. The only days that it is hard are the days I feel sick or have headaches. Do I eat less? I’m not sure. I think I’m doing a good job of eating three solid meals and some snacks when I feel like it. I have a pretty solid diet where all foods fit.

5. I’ve heard the brain chatter goes away on this medication, is it true? Yes. Honestly this has been the best part about the medication and I’m interested in how it will be used in the future. What I mean by brain chatter is the constant thinking about food, weight, meals, etc. Before the medication I had a ton of anxiety around food still. As in, am I eating too much, or is it too little? I don’t like my body by starving myself doesn’t work but eating doesn’t work so I don’t know what to do. Is that food bad? Is that food good? I just ate a burger, this is why I’m fat. Oh I ate a salad, I’m good today! Compensation thoughts. It’s all gone. I really don’t have them. They just stopped. I eat until I’m full and then stop. I eat all foods and I really don’t have any thought about it. Honestly, it’s the BEST part of the medication coming from an eating disorder background. The constant inner dialogue is just gone. I don’t feel stress or guilt around food. I eat and then I’m done. I wonder if this is how people without eating disorders feel?! They just eat and move on with their day! It’s been wonderful.

6. Is it hard to get? Kind of. Yes. Every month I worry that I won’t be able to get it and it will be on back order. I had to wait months to start it because it wasn’t available. Once I got started I haven’t had a problem getting it until this month. This month the 1mg is back ordered so they just decided to bump me up to the next one before I ween off.

7. How long will you be on this? I don’t know! The goal is to get my body working correctly on it’s own. So if a percentage of fat comes off hopefully the insulin resistance will reverse and I’ll be good. I get blood work and all that jazz at the end of August to see if I should ween off or stay on for a little longer.

8. Is it expensive? VERY. Since I am not pre-diabetic or diabetic I can’t get insurance to cover it. Something I’m trying to advocate for with people recovering from eating disorders. I have a coupon that has worked each month but honestly (and this will make you want to throw up) I pay $650.00 a month for it. Someone who has diabetes or pre-diabetes or is older will pay $40.  I went back to work in order to afford it and we saved with HSA for it. I’m hoping I’m not on it for much longer :)

9. You have lost a lot of weight, how do you feel, I bet you feel better? I honestly hate this question and I’m asked it constantly. Not that it’s a bad question, but it’s a hard one to answer. I can’t stand that people notice I lost weight and bring it up. I can’t stand that at one point I was heavy enough (in the eyes of others) that people ask me if I feel GOOD now that I lost weight. Assuming I must have felt bad? I’m so sick of going through anything weight related in front of other people. It’s so personal yet everyone can see it and comment no matter which way your weight is going. I hate the assumption that I must have felt bad and after losing weight I probably feel better and different. Honestly, I don’t think about it that much. I have a one year old and a two year old and a husband that travels a lot for work. I’m constantly busy and solo parenting during the week. I teach piano lessons, I play keys at church, run a book club and barely sit down from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep. I was doing this all BEFORE I started losing weight on the medication. I frankly don’t have time to assess how I’m feeling because most of the time I’m just feeling tired from running after my toddlers.

AAAAANNNNDDD that’s where that blog ended :) I kept meaning to return to it and post..but I just never got to it sadly…

Well, fast forward to today, we are now in April of 2025! So about nine months after I wrote the above.

Now I’m going to basically do the same thing with how I am today!

So……drum roll please…..

Just kidding, it’s not that exiting!

I would say I’m doing ok! I think what is cool about recovery is we can have all the emotions. Excited to be recovered, happy to overshoot weight, but sad at the comments that come with it. Joyful about feeling like myself again, but sad I even felt a smidge unlovable in a bigger body. Wanting to be healthy, but knowing that word is so big and different to everyone and not wanting to trigger or project my journey on anyoen else.

There is something about weight loss that makes life just different and at times I’m not sure I like it.

It makes me sad how much attention weight loss gets. How positive it is reinforced. How much people make a big deal of it. How it changes the inclusivity of things. How it changes the way people speak to me. How much focus is now on my looks then other things. It’s sad.

Not to get too deep, but it just makes me sad for humanity really. We are so focused on our bodies, other peoples bodies, diets, what we eat, what we weigh, what size we are that we miss real connection. I wonder if we put half the effort we put into researching the carnivore diet on google into being kind and generous to one another where we would be? (also, side-note...isn't it funny...2025 is the carnivore diet fad! bye bye to keto, whole 30, althought intermitten fasting is still trying to hang on!! I always laugh about these fads. I hope if you have followed me through the years you are seeing the diet fads come and go. People lose and gain back and it rarely works long term. The carnivore diet is the new one! Lets see how this one goes! I'll be watching while eating my bagel in moderation.)

Alright, I’m off my soap box… let’s get into whats going on with my recovery journey, wegovy and my current situation.  I’ll answer those same questions as above and then add whatever after.

1. Have I lost any weight? Yes, to date I’ve lost around 70 pounds. It’s been a full year since I started the medication. The weight loss was faster in the beginning and then steady and slow after that, which has been good.

2. Do I weigh myself a lot? The answer to this is still a resounding NO! I loath weighing myself. It still triggers crap and I hate it. So I do it as little as possible. I still have this intrusive thought that loss is good and gain is bad. This is of course not true, but it’s the thought I have to fight with myself every time I weigh myself so I try to avoid it as much as possible. I also really try and go off of how I feel and my bloodwork than the scale.

3. How are the side effects of the medication going? The longer I was on Wegovy the less side effects I had. The nausea pretty much went away, same with the stomach issues and sulfer burps. I would only get those if I upped my dose which was rare. The constipation remains and is awful with this medication. I have to take benefiber daily in order to not be constipated for a week. It is really tough. Lately I've had a few more side effects but that is because I've made changes in my dose and I will describe that in a bit.

4. How is the brain chatter, food noise? Still gone? Yes, for the most part. Although to truly answer this question I need to answer the next question.

5. How long are you going to stay on Wegovy? So, I’m at the point of tapering off of it! At this point I am only taking the medication every other week to see if my body can be in maintenance without it. I’ve been doing this for two months and will continue for another two months. So as always my goal was to get off it when my insulin resistance reversed and enough weight was off to be normal and healthy. I just got my blood work done and my insulin resistance is gone and I’ve lost enough weight. So the doctor and I decided it was time to see if my body can do this on it’s own without the medication.

I’m going to be real with you….

I have been doing really really solid until this point.

No eating disorder, restriction, over exercise desires…nothing.

But when you finally get my body to lose the overshoot and I’m back to where I feel normal and then want to take me off the medication..I’d be lying if I didn’t say my anxiety and intrusive thoughts have been pretty loud.

The rapid weight gain in recovery was traumatic for me. Some might think traumatic is a strong word….well…it’s not. It led me to severe depression, not wanting to leave my home, insecurity, suicidal ideation, physical pain, hopelessness. It was one of the darkest times of my life. Also, it was a time where I grew the most in my faith and as a person of value.

The intrusive thoughts I have are, what if I get off wegovy and my weight shoots up right away, faster, even higher?! What if this didn’t fix the problem and my body is still broken? I’ve had the thoughts of I need to make sure I’m not eating too much the weeks I don’t take the shot. I need to make sure I’m in the gym so it doesn’t come back on. The fear of weight gain for me is real and something I’m starting to address now that it again could be a possibility.

The good news is I have so many tools for this. (thank you to my amazing therapists and dieticians and support groups over the years!) I have support, I know how to challenge my thoughts and I know damn well that my worth is not in my size so if that happens, it happens! I tried! If I gain back all the weight I am still the wife of my hubby, the mom of my two precious children, a woman of deep faith in God, a sister, friend and a lover of all things artsy!

So to answer the previous question…as I’m slowing decreasing this medication I have increased intrusive thoughts about weight gain, exercise, the desire to not gain back weight, and will it work long term.

The way I’m dealing with it is by fighting back and it is a bit draining, but I’m doing OK! I also stick to the plan NO MATTER WHAT.  I never waiver from the course the doctor and I decide on. No matter how much I have that thought of, “just take the shot every week so you don’t worry about it and continue to lose,” I fight it with, “nope….I need to see if this works. I want my body to work on its own. I can do this! I’ve lost enough weight, let’s see where this goes!” And then I stick to my plan.

I do not have these thoughts all the time all day. This is not a HUGE struggle at the moment. Just a minor. one. It only comes up when I take the shot or don’t take it and if I have to be weighed. Outside of that I am just living life and for the most part not thinking about it more or less than the average person.

6. Is it hard to get? Not anymore. I have had no issues getting it, however it is still stupid expensive. I’m glad I’m tapering off because financially it isn’t sustainable unless I go over to a compound place which at the moment I’m not doing. I’ll report back if that changes.

7. How do I feel? I feel good. That’s the truth. I feel like myself again. I feel like my body is where it would have been if I overshot and it went naturally back to a good place. I’m active. I feel better in clothes. I don’t really know how to describe other then I feel like myself again. I’m sure other people who have gone through this understand. It’s probably how women feel after they have had a baby and a few years later feel like themselves again. I honestly don’t have better words for it.

I am still chasing after toddlers..they are now 2 and 3 years old. So truthfully I don’t think about it as much. I’m tired, always moving and sleeping little. So I feel like a normal 41 year old mom of two littles haha.

Alright, those were the main questions….now I want to share a few things on my mind.

PEOPLE…STOP COMMENTING ON OTHER PEOPLES BODIES.

I should put that in the largest font.

It NEVER ceases to amaze me the comments that people feel are ok to say to me about my body.

I absolutely hate it. Here is my opinion. Unless you know me personally, like have my number, could text me for a glass of wine, know my history and we have shared real life, don’t comment on my body. If you want to privately confide in me something, that’s fine, but just blurting out your thoughts on my body in a public place…it’s a hard no. STOP IT.

I said it before and I’ll say it again, weight is something that is so personal yet so visible. If someone is struggling with it, going through something, it is private. Just because you see gain or loss does not mean you should open your mouth and comment. You have NO idea what that person is going through. I honestly would better receive a question if I'm ok over you look so good! It would show people know weight isn't everything.

I’ll give a few examples that have literally happened to me over the past few months.

1. “Sara, Whatever you are doing, I want to do it alongside you.” What I wanted to say is, well, start by being anorexic for seven years. Really mess up your body. Then recover. Gain 100 pounds. Once you do that make sure your body is real good and messed up metabolically. Then, after years of trying to figure out what the F happened, get on a $650 a month shot to hopefully get some of the fat off your body so it will work right again without using starvation and relapsing. That will do it. BUUUUUT What I actually said was, I’m still on my recovery journey and am taking a glp1. I’d rather not talk about my weight thank you.

2. “OMG have you lost weight?!” “WOW” “How much have you lost?!” From a person I see once a year at an office. This is super rude. To ask someone to share a number?! In front of other people?!?! I felt so much shame. I was embarrassed. People don’t realize when they talk about your amazing weight loss you are still talking to the same person that went through years of being in a larger body that people ridiculed. It makes me feel ashamed of where I was, even though I had no control over it. It also brings the fear of, well if I gain it back I’m going to have to do it in front of these same people that reward weight loss loudly.  I know not everyone feels this way.  Some love being told they are thinner, or look amazing or how much have you lost. I am not this person. Probably because it hasn't been a part of my identity since I recovered. This journey has been very very difficult. I just want to live life and not have my size be what is the topic of discussion. I just want to move on from the whole ordeal. I talk about it with my closest friends and family and share my blog. That’s it. My identity is in so much more than my size. Ask me about my photography, my children, if I've slept lately, what are my thoughts on politics! (just kidding....don't do that)

3. “Sara, how are you?! You are glowing! It must be motherhood!” Now, tell me how being a stay at home mom with a traveling husband with two toddlers that easily fit the description of wild makes a woman glow? This was 100% to compliment me on my weight loss, because trust me when I say I have bags under my eyes and if I’m glowing it’s because I haven’t fit in a shower in a few days….I love the whole, I don’t want to mention your weight because I know a little bit of your history, but I have to say something to show you I notice so here is a compliment that makes no sense. I definitely responded with, oh yea, I know, I’ve lost weight. I’m on a glp1. Hoping I can feel like myself after years of anorexia and recovery. Then I move on.

I know…some of you might say, give people a break! They are just trying to be nice. I agree! Most people are innocent and just trying to be nice. Which is why I don’t say the 1000 snarky comments that come in my mind. I almost always use that time to educate them on my story and ask them politely not to comment on my body.

Then you have the people that are armchair experts on GLP1s. They tell me all the bad things that will happen to my bone density, my muscle, how I will gain it all back, it can’t be for long term use so on and so on. Or that poke fun of using these meds. I know you have heard it, the little jingle, “O O O OOOOZEMPIC!” When a picture of a celeb who may or may not be on it is posted on social media. It’s mean. It reeks of ugliness to talk about people this way. Do I think this shot should be used for the average weight loss, NO. However, many of us are using it for very real reasons, under doctor supervision, trying to get our personal health where we feel good. Leave us alone! I’ll talk to my doctor, dietician and therapist and trust myself, not the opinion of those who have zero clue what they are actually talking about. Trust me, we all know the side effects and concerns, and use this medication with awareness and careful consideration of both the positives and negatives.

The biggest thing that I can say that has not changed for me no matter what my weight has been is my body dysmorphia. Sadly, there has been no change in this area. I still have a very hard time actually seeing what I look like. Some days I feel like what I actually look like. Other days I feel like I’ve lost NO weight. Seriously! I will have days where I’m think I haven’t lost anything, I’m still huge. But it’s simply not true. I have days where I feel good, wear a new pair of pants and then at night think, omg, that was embarrassing. I think this is why I get so taken aback when someone comments on my weight loss. I kind of forget about it because a lot of the time I just don’t see it correctly, so therefore I just don't make it a part of my daily thought. I don’t know how to describe this to someone who doesn’t deal with it, so I’ll just say IYKYK.

I have to ask my sisters if something fits by sending them photos. 99% of the time they say what I’ve tried on is WAY too big still I need to size down. I just plain can’t seem to beat the body dysmorphia. BUT, I can choose to not let it control me. I still wear the pants that I can’t decide if they look good or not but are the correct size. I still live life to my values because no matter what my brain is telling me my size is, I’m ok and loved by God. My identity truly resides there.

I think the last thing I want to share is how amazing my doctor has been throughout the past year. FINALLY, a doctor who gets it. I went to my appointment last week. We talked about my goal weight (the weight we chose that we thought would be close to normal for me health wise but not BIBLE. As in, we are going to go off how I feel and my bloodwork over a number). As of right now I am 15 pounds away from my “goal” weight that we talked about a year ago. But, from the feedback of others as well as my doctor we don’t think I need to get to it. My doctor doesn’t love BMI. She uses it as only one of many markers as to where I need to be health wise. Right now my BMI has me still as a smidge overweight. This is where the body dysmorphia comes in for me. My BMI says I’m overweight, my family says I’m good and should lose no more, I have no idea what is real! But because I KNOW I struggle with this I trust those that I trust. So when my doctor says, BMI isn’t everything. I’m looking at you and know your bloodwork and you are good. You don’t need to lose more let’s go to maintenance and then ween off. That’s what I choose to do. It is great to finally have a doctor I can trust. Who says, hey, as we get off of this I’d like it if you met with a therapist to make sure we don’t get disordered. If I gain a couple pounds she says, Sara, we don’t even bat an eye at five pounds. The body fluctuates. You are doing great! Keep eating and doing what you are doing. It is wonderful to have a doctor in my corner that gets it and for that I’m truly grateful! Thank you Dr. Fetzner at U.H.

Well I think that’s all for now! If you have any questions please feel free to reach out! I can be glacial at responding but I promise to always try.

I’ll check back in a few months to share how the weening off is going and if I’m doing ok!

Until then, wherever you are at in your recovery, keep going! I am not even close to the person I was anorexic or even in the throws of recovery. There is hope!

Xoxo

Sara